


The Enabler

by iagosmash



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, One-Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-16
Updated: 2011-12-16
Packaged: 2017-12-14 20:50:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/841243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iagosmash/pseuds/iagosmash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius makes it clear that he believes his bad behaviour in class to be entirely Remus's fault. Remus makes it equally clear that he believes Sirius to be an idiot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Enabler

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a true story, because my best friend is a real life Remus Lupin.

Remus was distracted from his Muggle Studies essay by an almighty sigh coming from his left.

"Be _quiet_ , Sirius!" he hissed.

"I _am_ being quiet!" the bane of his life shot back. "This is the quietest I've been all year and you know it."

"You keep sighing; it's getting on my nerves."

"Well, you're not letting me talk, what am I supposed to do?" Sirius said, looking genuinely upset.

"Try doing some work. A novel idea, I know," replied Remus mercilessly.

"Work is so boring!" Sirius exclaimed in his most melodramatic voice.

"Then just sit there and let me do my work," Remus said, crossing out his third consecutive misspelling of 'electricity'.

Sirius flung his head onto the desk, the thump causing Remus's quill to scratch a thick line through his essay. He sighed.

"Stop sighing Moony, you're distracting me," came Sirius's muffled voice. Remus could only roll his eyes.

Barely a minute had passed before Sirius opened his mouth again.

"I hate this stupid subject," he whined, looking sideways up at Remus without lifting his head. "I think I'm dying of boredom."

"Why'd you take it then, stupid?" Remus said before cursing himself for encouraging Sirius.

"I just want to learn about motorcycles!" Sirius exclaimed. "Moony, tell Professor Bradfield to shut up about eluctracity and start talking about motorcycles."

"It's 'electricity', Padfoot, not 'eluctracity'. Pay attention. And no I most certainly will not. Now for the last time be quiet."

Sirius made a sulky noise before lapsing into silence. He picked up his quill and started scratching away on his blank piece of parchment.

_Finally_ , thought Remus.

After a few minutes of productive work, Sirius suddenly threw down his quill with a flourish that startled Remus and caused him to put another splash of ink across his neat work.

"Perfection," Sirius declared, holding up his essay proudly.

"You are not finished already."

"Pretty sure I am. Take a squiz," Sirius said, shoving his parchment into Remus's hands. Remus read through his friend's messy handwriting.

_Moony is a big dumb troll who smells. He is a BIG MEANIE and a NERD. He is always nasty to me and I don't like him anymore. He is a BULLY. I hate Moony. By Padfoot._

After he'd finished taking in the highly unflattering caricature of him that Sirius had punctuated his 'work' with, Remus looked up.

"Are you _four_?" he asked incredulously.

"Mentally, yeah," Sirius grinned.

"Black! Lupin! What are you two doing?" snapped Professor Bradfield, who had appeared in front of their desks.

"Remus stole my work!" Sirius accused before Remus could tell the teacher all about his less-than-exemplary behaviour.

"You gave it to me!" spluttered Remus indignantly.

The teacher silenced him with a look.

"Lupin, give Black back his work and get on with your own. I expect the behaviour of a four-year-old from him but not from you." Ignoring Remus's stunned expression, she turned to Sirius. "Black, you've been unusually quiet this period. Please don't destroy my newly-rekindled hope for you."

"No Ma'am!" Sirius replied eagerly, snatching his parchment from Remus before Professor Bradfield could see what was on it.

"That was some nice Marauder loyalty there, Sirius. Way to stand up for your friend."

"Can it, Moony. I'm trying to work here," Sirius replied before returning his head to his desk.

Not knowing whether to be angry or amused – but leaning towards the former – Remus picked up his quill, determined to catch up on wasted time. Sirius, equally determined to annoy his friend, stole a sneaky glance at Remus to check he was focused on his work before slowly tearing off a bit of parchment, doing his best not to make any noise.

The ball of parchment hit Remus squarely on the temple and landed on his desk. He looked at Sirius, who was staring conspicuously out the window. Realising that Sirius was going to force him write this period off as a lost cause, Remus surreptitiously took aim and launched the parchment right back.

"Remus!" exclaimed Sirius in horror as he stared at the ball on his desk, which had just bounced off his nose. "How could you? I thought we were friends!"

"No, I'm a big meanie who you hate, remember?" Remus replied with his eyes on his work.

"That was like ten minutes ago, Moony! Let it go!"

"Sirius, for Merlin's sake!" said Remus as the ball once again got him square in the head. He threw it back and Sirius caught it deftly in one hand.

"You idiot, Moony," Sirius said. "By throwing it back you're only allowing me to keep throwing it at you!"

"…Shut up, Sirius," Remus retorted weakly, realising that Sirius was right as the parchment hit him again.

"You know your problem, Moony?"

" _My_ problem? What about all your problems?"

"Your problem," Sirius continued loudly, ignoring Remus, "is that you are an enabler."

"What?"

"You're an enabler!" Sirius repeated emphatically. "You enable my bad behaviour!"

"Sirius, I do nothing but attempt to control your bad behaviour."

"Hardly! Look at you!" exclaimed Sirius. "You spend all period sighing, you start conversations when I'm trying to work –"

"Funny, I know someone who does the exact same thing," Remus said pointedly.

"Let me finish!" Sirius said, brushing aside Remus's comment. "– You steal my work, and you throw paper at me. All things that allow – or 'enable' – me to continue to behave inappropriately."

"Okay, first of all, none of what you just said is actually true, and secondly, it's not my fault if you can't control your own ridiculous behaviour," Remus said.

"Moony! You are the responsible one! I rely on you to keep me on the straight and narrow, and you are failing to do so! You had one job, Moony. One job." Sirius shook his head sadly.

"What are you gonna do, fire me?"

"Possibly!"

Remus rolled his eyes. "What a shame. I am ashamed."

"Yeah, and so you should be. You've bought dishonour on yourself, on your family, and – most importantly – on me," Sirius scolded.

"Oh, how can you ever forgive me?" Remus said sarcastically.

"Well, I can make an effort if you give me your essay to copy."

"No. You can hand in your lovely letter and picture instead."

"Dishonour! Dishonour on you and your horse!"

~~~

The OWL results came while they were all at James's house. Remus's, Sirius's and James's were predictably good, while Peter's were predictably average.

"Never mind, Wormtail," Remus said, attempting to console him over his Ps and Ds.

"Hey Moony! What did you get in Muggle Studies?" Sirius cut in loudly.

"A very heard-earned Exceeds Expectations," Remus replied. "What about you?"

"Easy Outstanding."

"I hate you so much."

"No you don't, you _love_ me!" Sirius said, wrapping his arms around Remus. "And despite your filthy enabling ways, I love you too. So, _so_ very much."

"Get off me, you perverse lunatic."

Sirius planted a very sloppy, extremely unwanted kiss on Remus's cheek before snatching his friend's OWL results out of his unsuspecting hands. As usual, Remus could only roll his eyes.


End file.
